pursuit of eudaimonia

this blog is dedicated to my pursuit of
eudaimonia


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I do appreciate the sentiment though I’m certain there isn’t anything I can think of for anyone to be sorry for. I hope you’re well to whomever I speak.

From…

this moment on all my further posts will be done on the new blogs. I will have all the messages out by the end of tomorrow for the URL’s. Not much has been posted on them since I lost my computer over a month ago and before that I was on a trip to California. Now that my long absence is over I will be posting normally again.

1 year ago / 1 note

Castles

Dreaming within a far off plane where dreams themselves begin, 
slumbers a beauty whose curse persists nary in the hearts of men. 
Afflicted by malevolence distorted to become the fruitless lust for love.
Where her bassinet, that bends and curves along her fragile frame, 
incarcerates these wrathful fantasies ‘till alas they become mockery.

‘Tis where, neither here nor there, the beauty is confined to dreams,
behind the colossal stone-walls of her castle that she herself constructed.
Twisting vines, as dark as the sky, slither between the decayed apertures. 
Complimenting an odd allure that has drawn so many wanderers in.
Yet, such journey must they undertake to ‘ventually reach the keep.

Aye, thy shade, whom hath kept me warm yet blinded me in bleakness; dark. 
Whom hast guided me to the gates of this wondrous place sightless.
As rancid as bodies I smell the torment thick upon the air and tongue,
yet my flickering eyes see naught but the senses where they fail to perceive.
For once I sauntered inside, as she welcomed me to cross, I lost my vision.

I queried, “Where are you?” to which no reply I heard thus I fumbled and fell,
as I made my passage through the gates and walls of her perpetual hell.
I sought to find my princess somewhere inside to lift her maledictive spell.
From just that distant visage of her glorious kingdom before my sight had failed,
I knew, with no suspicion, my ardent love of adorning intent was hers to be held. 

Fingers extended to their entire length I felt, by gentle touch, my way within.
‘Till at last I reached the colossal tower, looming gloomily high above, 
where my beauty, my princess, slept miserably in damp sorrow absent of hope. 
I cheered myself for having made it to this place with only thy shade to see.
Then I hurried up the frigid steps to my flawless lover in pursuit to set her free. 

A door greeted my advance at the top of the stairs hastily placing me at a halt. 
Before me its battered semblance stilled me as I was now able to look upon it, 
from the subtle shadows of light flailing from several torches placed at its side.
I could sense her breath, from graceful inhale to mournful depart, in the chill,
where then I noted no handle nor knob would allow my joy to transpierce.

I called, “Dear princess, I hath voyaged for your heart and to cure your ailment.” 
To which I heard her sweet voice reply, “You hath made it farther than any other,
however kind gentleman there is no farther you may come. For this hex I possess,
cannot be broken nor cured. Not by your love nor by your intent. I am forever dead.
Allow me to rest till fate decides the door before you may open to allow my curse to cease.”

 Thus I took my pause for a mere moment to muse before my lips broke again, 
“Dear Princess, what is it you hope to hear from the tongues of fate if not by this?
If no other hath made it to your door then surely this must have been their intent.
I would not have come if I wished to wake you before your hex could be lifted. 
If this is your door allow it open so that you may allow my love to liberate you.”

Hesitant seconds elapsed as cautious creeks reverberated from her walls, 
as the door took several minutes to at last reveal the chamber of my beloved.
Oh, how not even my fantasy could justify the woman before my wanting body. 
Then in ravenous embrace we took in one another from our eternal longing. 
Not God nor nature define how momentous our beings took new shape. 

Alas I whispered into her trembling ears, “Let us leave now or forever fear our neglect,
and may the Gods never forgive us if we object.” Thus with her assurance to her, 
conscient we left her lonely chamber behind in revitalized bliss.
Once our feet met the gelid stoney steps my familiar shade stole our eyes,
where then the heat of her hand turned to mine and be began our descent.

How could I nor her ever had expected the foundations of her dreams,
would begin to reject us? For the walls and paths I had so easily discovered,
transformed into devilish labyrinths brimmed with horrors to inflict her with terror.
Never before had her soul traversed beyond her immortal chamber door,
and the dream dreamt so long evolved into her least favorite nightmare.

With only the reminders of our flesh coalescing between fingers and perspiring palm,
and our eyes whom hath forsaken us ‘till we passed across the threshold of the gates,
my dearest lover became uncertain with every quickened step we’d take.
My assurances were slowly disregarded as mistakes as I felt her fingers unhinge,
one at a time into the darkness that suffocated our love inside its lake.

 I called out to her, begging, “We will make it, love, and we will again see, 
the light of day upon this place when it has become so far away; trust this.”
To which her morose reply was this, “I have never been this far, love. Now,
I believe I wasn’t meant to have this curse taken from my mortal life. Look,
upon the walls erected about us. They are beckoning for my dolor to remain.”

 Which words that fell from her to the threatening floor collapsing beneath our steps,
took root in her quivering feet that stood in the blackness where I could not see.
Thy shade, thy charge, and thy love had all abandoned my pleas and will.
Though regardless of my blossoming affections I could not move her still.
Thus left with no device or magic to tear away at the walls I lost her inside them.

Regretfully I found the passage out of her castle staring back at its reforming structure.
The gates violently closed behind my hope forbidding my return to their treasure.
Now the walls seemed endless stretching desperately toward some empyrean elysium. 
Here, neither there nor where, my existence persists just beyond her citadel,
hoping that someday perhaps the gates shall open and my beloved will find her way out.  

1 year ago / 1 note

I’ve thought it often
asleep in the sky,
awake in the sea,
though I could never
fly nor swim; yet
both my wings and
fins thrash about
gasping for air only
present beneath my feet.

1 year ago / 3 notes

I have…

moved on to a new project. After a few more posts on this blog I will be mostly focusing on the other two. Message me if you would like to know the URL to the new page. 

2 years ago / 2 notes

Oh…

Beware of witnessing a silent scene…

Here’s a fun one to mull over the ol’ damaged brain, is there such a thing as too trusting? 

When the effulgent white penny gets tossed down the bleak black well you witness its eventual departure farther and farther into the null cavern, that like all others, proffers no evidence of an end, until that pretty-little sparkle diminishes where all that remains is the comforting darkness we come to expect, to know, and to desire.

Ah, that chasm that burrows somewhere between the space beneath our eyes and our chests providing an Aspirin that pleasures our ever-evolving condition to rest. 

Hopeful that is some time, some way, and perhaps someday what will be, will be; and what is meant to come, shall sprout wanting limbs in-order-to merrily stroll into our hands and wrap its own around this infinite vacuum we all possess. 

Indeed this humorous laughter I hear time-and-time again deafens my ears like the chorus of a million dying lambs led off the edge of lucidity to happily plummet; whilst their innocent childlike song bellows from the depths of the well to invoke an odd sort of joy and bliss from a source better known by other men. 

Not I, I say, and with a sarcastic stare provoked by their massacre thus I hold my shimmering coins inside a fell intended grasp promising these little white lambs nevermore. 

‘Tis not my beating heart nor my dilating mind that brims with a sadness more refined, but rather my mortal coil that mourns their deaths as one-by-one I watch the tragedy unfurl before my frame. 

I imagine that as they march toward Zion each of their feathery feet lift from the earth just enough so that their shackles refrain from ensnaring their progress; yet as the chains trudge through the somber mire they manage to uproot each-and-every flower from the dirt. 

Thus as they fall they leave behind a picturesque scene of a thousand wounded and tattered corpses awaiting the wind of change to upheave their scattered remains and depart from this barren waste in exchange for the end to all this. For the curtains to close. For the snare to roll; and the burial to begin. 

Oh how these thoughts of twilight hour plead to succumb to a surreal reality that is undefined and imaginary. 

Oh how these violent dreams of vile things worship their conclusion as the body drifts from conscious to unconscious states yet always remains awake. 

However with each gleeful dawn as the sun rises beyond the threshold of the atmosphere to smile down with a grin of mockery upon my worn face I find only the world around my dimming light, and I, the silhouette of misery’s primordial ghost, linger amidst the shade observing a silent scene. 

2 years ago / 3 notes

Videos…

are currently uploading… shall be posted shortly…

Syndrome

Across the smoldering coal of sadism her heart burned asunder. 
Cold flesh deliquescing beneath a fell intended grasp of pleasure.
Brittle bones smothered with subtle fierce frailty on the verge,
of bursting from human form to elegant fragments of vitreous glass.
Where upon a ruthless glance the mortal condition would pass. 
Eclipsed within an awareness of all these tiny pulchritudes unseen. 
Her vile captor, with soul of miserly greed, tastes of her averse lips;
as they hesitantly entwine with his own with protest seeking desire.
Pursing her master’s masochistic affection in his flavor’s retreat.
His clutch takes her waist in mad restraint forcing her figure to his. 
Where once more a savory kiss disrobes their glowing bodies;
forsaking all but potent passion present purely in their quivering caress.
Alas this foul abomination of callous & foul ancestry claims her life; 
while her will diminishes wound by her trembling legs bound around his back.  
'Tis in this preposterous act liberating her volition the pact is signed, 
in blood; in tears; in merciless years that their lives are now intact.
Love of the most mysterious breed found between this prisoner and beast;
yet so rare could an eternity of such vehement endearment ever be seen.   


2 years ago / 2 notes / picture 
Played 79 times / The National - Sorrow / 2 years ago / 3 notes / the  national  sorrow  high  violet 

Limbo

Dwelling within sable stygian crypt the infant being slumbers. 
A hollow cellar where no nova of celestial shine regards. 
From its hemorrhaged confines oblivion seeps ubiquitously. 
Terra firma null of creation rather the breeding of desolation. 
Sheltered in its cavernous abyss the wounded beast grieves. 
Fancying his dark lair before the soft hissing glow at its mouth. 
Petrified of the brilliant effulgence in favor of its fugue. 
The suckling creature coils afraid to behold the glister. 
Only the gloaming cave where centuries domiciled, 
hath offered refuge to tend to his exuding displeasure. 
Nevermore begetting offspring nor conscious of its own progenitors. 
Alas in immortal forbearing sleep shall the savage endure. 
Engulfed by its own veiled silhouette far from glimmering starlight.

Maybe When

Ethereal mana ever-pure to your delicate notion,
flourishes within this liberated cell now unlatched. 
Transcending from mire to a thriving prosperity;
as the desperate bud aches for wondrous blossom.
Where once naked clay slept lamented and bare, 
now in tranquil repose transmuted by your essence.
Inside your gentle caress this argillaceous frame,
deftly molds between your tender fingers. 
With devoted seize my newly shaped hands, 
take-up your elegant figure in their gallant grasp. 
Where inside their succor construct this valiant heart,
shall cherish and adore your precious desires, 
and hold you blissfully nigh to empyrean nirvana. 

Zephyr

When I’m near you my heart races as if I lack the air to breathe.
Few times in our lives can the air be taken from our lungs. 
Yet, like the wind, it will pass on by unbridled by our demands.
Alas I’m holding my breath; I do not want this to exhale into the wind.
If you want me, come get me, before we were merely a gentle breeze. 

2 years ago / 4 notes / zephyr  heart  race  lack  air  breathe  few  live  air  lung  taken  wind  pass  unbridled  demand  holding  breath  exhale  wind  want  me  come  get  merely  gentle  breeze 

Hysteria

Minutes trickle into centuries of vanquish. 
'Till each second transcends from design,
to ashen despondence of dreams slain. 
Oh hour of affliction shall you not read,
of your epilogue in an instant near?
For my overwrought pacing hath left, 
the carpet bare of its once joyful visage. 
As I have began to sermonize the epitaph, 
that speaks of an epoch where time perished; 
and I was abandoned to dwell within abeyance.

Mad Myriad

Honey to the hive of my cravings, 
you’ve rattled the immure nest.
Now the swarm hath evolved a taste,
for the sweetness of your essence. 

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